


Like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within

by alexpond



Series: Stuff I wrote in 2013-2014 [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Depression, Homophobic Language, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shyness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8359189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexpond/pseuds/alexpond
Summary: Everything is wrong in Louis' life. Until Harry comes along. So basically if you like shitty, angst and cliché filled, (discontinued) stories with mostly 1st person POV, this baby is just right for you.Title from Sleep by Poets of the Fall (aka the song """Harry wrote""" in this fic. You should definitely listen to it)written in September 2013





	

**Louis**

One, two and three cuts. All lined up perfectly. One for 'dumb', one for 'ugly' and one for 'worthless'. Blood is dripping from the cuts. I didn't go as deep as I normally do. Strange. I could swear that today was worse than yesterday and the day before.

They didn't beat me up today, they never do. I wish they did because it would hurt less than this. Being left alone and calling me all these things. Worthless, fat, ugly, waste of space, dumb. The worst thing is, that I am every single one of those things. No one can ever love me because of it.

I haven't had a friend in three years. The closest thing I have to a friend is my cousin Niall who lives in Ireland. We chat occasionally via Facebook but that's about it. My old friends ditched me. Suddenly they just didn't hang out with me anymore. I was left alone with no explanation.

My parents died in a car crash a year ago when I was 17. They didn't have any other kids so I had no family left. Now I live with my aunt who couldn't give a rat's ass about me.

Some days I just want to break down and cry in front of everyone. But I can't. I won't give them the pleasure of seeing me break.

There is this one boy who never insults me but he never says anything to the ones who do. He's got two friends with him and they never say anything either. They're the only ones in this school who seem to have some kind of feelings.

My biggest bully, a small brunette called Eleanor, never leaves me alone. She's constantly throwing mean comments at me. Her favorite thing to call me is 'gay' but that is the only one I'm not offended by because 'gay' is not an insult. I doubt that she knows that, though. Her second favorite is 'worthless' and that hurts the most.

It's been three long years of being alone. I don't know how long I can take this torture.

 

 

**Harry**

I've always been shy around people. That's why I have only two friends; Liam and Zayn. We've known each other since we were five years old. Liam and Zayn have been together for two years but they pined after each other for a long time before Liam finally grew some balls and kissed Zayn under the mistletoe on Christmas.

There's this one guy in our school and everyone bullies him except me and my friends. I'd like to befriend him but I'm too shy to do anything. Liam and Zayn have offered to go to talk to him but I want to do it myself. I don't even know his name and I doubt he knows mine.

I don't quite get how people can be so mean to such a beautiful person. He is literally the most gorgeous lad I've ever seen in my life. Are the others just too blind to see his beauty? I'm not sure if I just feel sorry for him for having no friends or if I have a crush on him.

Yes, I'm gay. I came out to my friends three years ago and around the same time I came out to my family. I'm quite sure the whole school knows I'm gay, but no one has ever said anything.

My life is mainly just school and homework and hanging out with Liam and Zayn. We don't go to parties so I work at the local bakery on weekends. I've never had a boyfriend, which really bugs me because I am an affectionate person and I'd like to have someone to cuddle and act cute with.

 

 

**Louis**

Another day in this hell some people call school. I don't see Eleanor -thank God for that. I go to my locker so I can get my books for the first class. When I'm done getting my books I shut my locker and try to leave to get to class. I jump a bit as I turn around because the sight in front of me is something I wanted to avoid, preferably for the rest of my life. And God must hate me; I'm now faced with the person who is the most responsible for making my life a living hell.

\- Well, what do we have here? Worthless little faggot in front of the closet he just came out of. Why won't you just kill yourself already so I wouldn't have to put up with that ugly face of yours anymore?

Where the hell did she come from? I really can't do this right now. I can feel the tears already prickling in my eyes. They can't see me cry. I try not to blink so the tears wouldn't fall.

\- Cat got the fairy's tongue, eh? You're so pathetic. Can't even defend yourself against a girl. Maybe it's because you're a fag. A fat, ugly, dumb fag, who shouldn't waste our oxygen.

With each insult, she pokes my chest with her surprisingly sharp nails and shoves me so my shoulder knocks against the locker. Her friends all laugh at her words. As I try to look for an escape, someone comes next to me and they start talking.

\- Could you just go, Eleanor? You're not being very nice to him.

It is a guy. Way taller than me with brown hair styled in a quiff. His brown eyes seem friendly and I know exactly who he is.

\- Come on girls, let's go.

Her posse scatters off, Eleanor along them. I turn to face the guy who saved me and thank him quietly while looking at my shoes.

\- No problem mate. I'm Nick. Grimshaw. And you are?

\- Louis Tomlinson.

He flings his arm around my shoulder and smiles at me.

\- Does she give you shit like that often?

I breathe out a barely audible 'yes' and look at the ground again.

\- Well stick with me buddy, I'll keep her away from you.

A small smile appears on my face when he says that. Could I finally get a friend? I look at him and my smile grows.

\- Thanks. It means a lot.

I can't believe this. He actually wants to be my friend. We won't be friends for long, though. He'll leave as soon as he gets to know me more.

\- So, Louis. What class do you have first?

I reach for my bag in my locker and pull out a piece of paper from there.

\- I have maths.

\- Okay, I have chemistry but will you sit with me during lunch?

\- Yes, of course.

He leaves with a wave and I turn around so I can get to my class before the bell rings.

Why would Nick Grimshaw, one of the popular guys, want to have lunch with me, of all people?

 

 

**Harry**

Nick fucking Grimshaw. He saved the gorgeous lad, whose name I still don't know, from Eleanor and her gang. I never actually liked her. I don't understand how she is so popular. She is mean to almost everyone outside her group of friends.

Nick is a huge dick and the biggest player in our whole school. Everyone he dates is left with their heart broken. He has dated half of the cheerleading squad and a handful of boys, too. I just hope he doesn't mess with the mystery boy, he doesn't deserve to get his heart broken.

I have maths at first. I love it. It's my favorite subject right after music. Liam and Zayn don't have maths right now, so I'll be alone. It doesn't matter, though.

As I get to the classroom, it's already filled with people. There is just one seat available and, oh. It's right next to the mystery guy. How convenient. I have no other choice but to sit next to him.

\- It's okay, I don't bite.

Oh, he noticed I was just standing next to the desk. I sit down on the chair and start to go through my bag to get my books.

\- Am I really that disgusting that you can't even speak to me?

Blush creeps on my cheeks as I let out a small 'no'.

\- I-I'm sorry I'm just having a bad day.

He sighs and puts his head on the table.

-It's ok.

Why am I so shy? My voice is barely audible right now.

The teacher comes to the classroom and the class begins. We don't say anything to each other during the lesson. The class goes fast and the boy leaves quickly, leaving me alone without even as much as his name.

 

 

 

**Louis**

I don't know what got into me. Usually, I'm very quiet around new people but somehow I just talked to that kid and it seemed easy. Maybe it was easy because he seemed even shyer than me.

Anyway, now it's time for lunch and I actually have someone to eat with. I see Nick already sitting with his friends and waving at me across the room. When I get closer he gets up from his chair and starts talking very loud.

\- Can I have your attention, please!

Everyone looks at him and he continues his speech and points at me.

\- As you may know, Louis here has been treated miserably. You have said some nasty things about him.

I feel amazing. Finally, someone is defending me.

\- Today I offered to be his friend and guess what? He actually smiled. How cute.

His expression changes to something I don't like at all. The smirk that plays on his lips is evil and his eyes squint a little as he glares at me.

\- Can you believe it? He actually thought I would want to be his friend. How stupid is that?

I freeze when everyone starts laughing. I can't do this. Not now. Not after everything Eleanor said to me this morning.

\- Now I say we teach the little faggot a lesson. Who's with me?

He takes an apple from his tray and throws it at me. Soon after everyone does the same and it hurts. It hurts so bad. Not just physically, but also mentally. I have never been this humiliated in my whole life. It's all just too much and the tears fall from my eyes.

\- Aww now the faggot is crying. Get out of here! No one wants to look at your ugly face anymore.

With one final glance to Nick, I run out of the cafeteria and straight to the men's bathroom. When I get inside, I collapse on the floor and hard sobs start shaking my body.

 

 

**Harry**

Louis. A beautiful name for a beautiful boy. I can't believe Nick would sink so low as he just did. Nick, the bastard, deserves to be hit in the face multiple times, preferably with a chair or something equally damaging. My thoughts come back to Louis after imagining Nick being run over by an elephant: I just want to hold him and tell him it's going to be alright. I look at Zayn and Liam who are sitting next to me.

\- Go find him.

Zayn nods, he always agrees with Liam.

\- Harry, he must feel like shit now. He needs a friend.

\- But I-I don't even know him!

\- Here's your chance to get to know him, now go!

I nod, get up and run into the corridor. I have no idea where he went. I check the men's bathroom next to the cafeteria but he's not there. I run further and go to the next men's room.

Silent sobbing is coming from one of the cubicles.

\- Louis? Are you here?

 

 

 

**Louis**

\- Louis? Are you here?

Haven't they had enough? They won't even leave me alone so I could cry.

\- Who are you? Go away!

\- It's Harry, I sit next to you in maths. Are you ok?

I scoff. How can he even ask a question that stupid?

\- What do you think?

\- I think you're not okay and need a friend.

That statement made me furious. Nobody really wants to be my friend. I storm out of the cubicle and stand right in front of him, a little too close to be honest, and wow, he's really tall.

\- A friend? Who the fuck would ever want to friends with the ugly, worthless piece of shit who is so fucked up no one understands him?

Harry's expression gets more serious and his brows furrow. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye.

\- You, are not worthless, okay? And you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life. It may not mean much, but I want to be your friend. I've wanted that for a long time but I was too shy to talk to you. And hey, aren't we all a bit fucked up anyway?

He smiles at me and my eyes start to fill with tears again. A single tear rolls down my cheek and he wipes it away. The way he looks at me gets me over the edge and I start crying again. He wraps his long arms around me and rubs my back soothingly as I sob into his shirt.

\- It's going to be ok. I got you now. You're not alone anymore.

I cry even harder when he speaks. Those are the words I have been needing to hear for the last years. His grip tightens around me as I finally let all the pain of these years out in the form of tears.

We stand there for what feels like an eternity. After my sobs have quieted down I untangle myself from his arms and look straight into his eyes.

-Thank you.

 

 

**Harry**

-Thank you.

He says those two words with glossy eyes and it's so painful to see him like that. I feel like I need to protect him from all what's wrong in this wicked world. I smile at him and pull him in for an another hug which lasts even longer than the first one.

When we finally separate I try to read his expression.

\- Are you going to be ok for the rest of the day or do you want me to take you home?

\- I'll manage. Thanks for being there for me.

He smiles at me and his eyes are shining and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

\- Anytime. From now on you can come to me if those assholes are being mean to you, ok?

A small smile plays on his lips and he sniffles.

\- Why are you so nice to me?

His voice comes out as a whisper and my heart hurts because he sounds so broken. I stroke his cheek gently and smile at him.

\- Why wouldn't I be? You deserve people who are nice to you.

Tears are filling his eyes again but he wipes them away before they fall. He lets out a small laugh and smiles at me.

\- Stop, you're making me cry again. But thank you so much for everything. You can't even imagine how much this means to me.

I just smile at him and, again, pull him in for a hug.

 

 

**Louis**

He hugged me for the third time. Three hugs in one day. That's more hugs than I've gotten in the last year. Is this boy even real?

I smile against his shoulder and breathe his scent in. He smells like apples and minty toothpaste. A strange combination, but I like it.

He is taller than me and our bodies fit together really well. I sigh and pull away from him. He is already smiling at me when I look up. I smile with teary eyes again.

\- Are you sure you'll be ok?

\- Yes, I already said that I'll be ok. Thanks anyway, for asking and being there for me even though we don't really know each other.

I look at my feet and smile. He lifts my chin up and looks deep into my eyes.

 

 

 

**Harry**

I got lost in his eyes that look like a deep ocean of hidden emotions. I wish I could dive in and stay there until the end of time, swimming in the feelings of the broken boy in front of me, trying to fix him from the inside. His eyes are the perfect shade of blue with a hint of green in the middle.

My gaze turns to his thin lips and then back to his eyes. Without noticing, I start to lean in.

Okay so maybe I have a teeny tiny crush on him after all.

But after admitting this to myself, I realize what I'm doing and my brain goes into overdrive, filling my mind with questions. What if he doesn't want me? Does he even like guys? Am I crossing the line if I kiss him?

Though I see him leaning in too, eyes fluttering, I panic. My eyes widen and I pull away, clear my throat and comb my hand through my curls awkwardly.

 

 

**Louis**

His emerald eyes made me lose track of time and I could feel his gaze in the back of my skull, like he was seeing straight through me. The green of his eyes reminds me of a meadow in the late Summer, when the grass is a darker shade of green. When I was young, my parents used to take me to a picnic every Sunday on our Summer holiday. We used to sit on the grass and eat sandwiches my mum had made in the morning. My dad and I played football while mum laid on her back and read books.

My reminiscing is interrupted by Harry, who suddenly starts leaning in and I panic. Is he going to kiss me? No, he would never. Why would he want to kiss a pathetic loser like me?

I have no control over my body as I start to lean in too. My eyes flutter and we're only inches apart and then- he pulls away. Figures. I feel embarrassed for even thinking that he would kiss me. My gaze drops to the floor and I feel a blush creeping on my cheeks. When I look up he's running a hand through his curls, staring at me as he clears his throat.

\- Umm... So are you, like, going to be okay? Would you like to sit with me and my friends at lunch so Nick won't bother you? You see, he doesn't try to mess with us, since he is a bit intimidated by Liam. Nick once tried messing with Zayn -Liam's boyfriend- and Liam saw that and threatened to cut off his fingers if he tried something like that ever again. Of course you don't have to come sit with us I just thought that it'd be nice to offer and I'm rambling please stop me I really can't do that myself because you're cute and you're just standing there not saying anything why aren't you saying anything?

I was amused by his rambling and when he just kept going I smiled fondly at him. Why does he have to be so adorable? Stop it, brain, you're not allowed to make me like someone like Harry, who is so out of my league and- wait, did he call me cute? Of course he didn't, he just asked me to sit with him and his friends t lunch out of pity, that's it.

\- I'd love to sit with you, if you really don't mind, that is.

I fumbled with my sleeve a small smile on my lips and stared at the ground, again. I bit my bottom lip and after a while looked up. Harry's smile was blinding. It burned like the Sun, capable of illuminating the Earth.

\- Of course I don't mind. Come on, let's go.

He slung his arm around my shoulders and smiled reassuringly. We walked out of the bathroom and he kept his arm there until we reached the cafeteria.

 

 

**Narrator**

Fast forward four months and Harry and Louis are inseparable. After the incident in the cafeteria, Harry introduced Louis to Zayn and Liam, who immediately took him under their wings. They've also grown closer, but Harry is still the closest to Louis.

They usually hang out at Harry's, and Louis has really grown fond of his mom Anne. He was a bit unsure when he first went to Harry's home, but she had greeted him with a warm smile and a hug, which made all of his worries of not being accepted disappear.

Louis learned ridiculously much about Harry during the four months of their friendship. He learned that Harry absolutely loves music; listening to an enormous amount of different kinds of bands and artists, singing, playing the guitar, composing and writing songs. He has written a few original songs but he hasn't shown them to Louis, which earned him an adorable pout, in turn making Harry smile fondly. Louis now also knows a huge amount of little details, like what's Harry's favourite color, food, animal, ice cream flavour, piece of clothing and so on. He also learned that Harry absolutely adores children, is ridiculously nice and polite, especially to old people, and that he loves cooking and cleaning.

Though Louis smiles more and is generally happier, he's got lots of bad moments when he goes back into his shell. Harry seems to understand him: when Louis is having a bad day, he shows his affection more and if Louis flinches at his touch, he'll keep his distance instead.

When it comes to the cutting, well, Louis never actually told Harry about it. He didn't see a reason why he should, it's his own problem, he doesn't want Harry to worry about him. And it's not like he cuts that much anymore, only when the bullies get to him, which is not very often, mind you. Now, you see when Harry, Liam and Zayn came into the picture, the bullies have been away, since they're quite intimidated by Liam and a little by Zayn, too. Though Liam and Zayn may look like badasses, Liam more scary with his insane muscles, they both actually are the biggest softies there have been in the history of humans. They're also very sappy, domestic little shits who practically act like an old married couple. Harry keeps glaring them when they get too coupley, but he doesn't really say anything, aside from the occasional 'oh just get married already'.

Now, though, Louis is cornered by some older students, he thinks, and Harry or the others are nowhere to be seen. His back is pressed up against a brick wall and he cannot escape.

 

 

 

**Louis**

\- Finally we've gotten this lil' fairy away from his boyfriend and his friends. What should we do with him, fellas?

Who even is this guy, for crying out loud? I have never seen him in my life. The three other guys are snickering behind the main douche nugget, like what he said was actually funny.

\- Maybe we should punch him in the gut and see if he explodes and spreads glitter everywhere.

Ha, ha, ha. So funny I'm going to die. No but seriously, I'm trying hard not to roll my eyes at the very bad joke which apparently made the other three laugh so hard they're now all clutching their stomachs. I may still be depressed, but my self esteem has gotten better, all thanks to Harry. He has drawn my sassy side back, and oh boy, that could be a bit of a problem now.

\- You sure you want to do that pal? You do know, that gay people radiate glitter and rainbow power, and the closer you are to them, the more gay you catch? If you punch me, heaven knows we will soon all be singing songs from the gayest musicals, which, for your information, actually means all musicals, and having sword fights with our dicks.

And there we go. Sassy Louis is out and proud. To be quite honest, I could've done without him, because now, when I'm looking at the guys' faces, they seem confused. I'm guessing that they will punch me harder, all thanks to my little outburst. But sometimes it gets too much, you know? One day you just snap and say the first thing that comes to your mind, even if it is absolute nonsense about rainbows and glitter. I guess they didn't really see that coming, at least judging by their faces. Their stares are blank, and mouths comically open wide. Suddenly one of them, the leading dickhead, shakes his head and his eyes are burning with anger. Shit's about to get nasty, I presume.

\- So the faggot finally found his tongue then... Right, fellas, I think we should punch him extra hard, just for that.

I closed my eyes when I saw him getting ready to punch me. I took a deep breath and waited for the blow. It didn't come, which, weird, he was definitely going to hit me square in the jaw, I'm sure of it. I decided to open my eyes to see what was going on.

\- Finally, you little cocksucker, I want you to see this.

And then the first blow came. It hurt like a bitch and with the second hit, which, by the way, didn't hurt any less, I fell on my knees. The punches kept coming, fists were flying and I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe. But I didn't cry. When I sunk to the floor, they stopped hitting me and started kicking me instead. I had always found physical pain easier to cope with, but this was the worst beating I had ever gotten. Sure, there had been a couple punches in the jaw, but never anything even close to this. My face was bloody, I couldn't find a place in my body that didn't hurt and I was quite sure that some of my newest cuts had opened. When they finally woke up from their brutal states and realised that I was actually bleeding pretty badly, they just left me there, lying on the cold hard ground.

 

 

**Harry**

Harry just got off work and with his eyes glued to his phone and mind filled with thoughts of LouisLouisLouis he started walking home. Except, being the dumbass he is, he started walking in the opposite direction without even noticing.

Louis doesn't answer his phone. Strange. I told him that I was going to call him as soon as my shift at the bakery ended. I wanted to surprise him with these cinnamon rolls I just baked but I guess I'll have to eat them myself. I wish I could see him now, though. But really, if he doesn't answer his phone, where is he? Maybe he stopped by the library and put his phone on silent... I know how much he loves to read. Maybe I should get him a book so he could- oh shit is that the time? How long have I been walking, and where even am I? Okay so there is a bar, is that the library? Gosh, I haven't been walking on this side of the city in ages. Oh, okay. That dude is really creepy and- why do those guys look so smug, yet guilty? Well, it's none of my business. I think I should head home and, oh, I should call Louis again!

Hmm... He's not answering, I hope nothing has happened to him. What is that? Is that a person- oh my God that is a person! Shit, I hope they're ok, I need to go and see.

Harry approached the person slumped against the brick wall carefully, glancing around to see if there was anyone else nearby, incase he needed help.

\- Hey, are you okay- oh my God!

He kneeled next to the person, who he just recognized as Louis. He carefully turned him around so he would be able to see his face. Louis looked almost horrible, his face was covered in dried blood, he got a black eye and there were bruises scattered all over his face, neck, and the rest of his body, Harry assumed. There were tears in his eyes as he tried to shake Louis gently.

\- Louis, babe, please open your eyes or say something, please.

His voice was quiet and pleading and his cheeks were stained from tears that rolled down, leaving a salty taste in his mouth.

Finally, Louis opened his mouth and with a scratchy voice he said 'sorry'. Harry wiped his tears away, picked Louis up and started walking towards his house. It wasn't really that far away, but with Louis in his arms, it was quite a tiring journey.

When they got to Harry's he carried Louis upstairs, put him in his bed and left to get everything he needed to patch Louis up and nurse him back to a better condition. When he was finally all good, or well, as good as he can get after getting beaten up like that, Harry sighed and laid next to Louis, who was already soundly asleep.

For a while, Harry just laid there and just watched Louis sleeping. This was the first time he slept there, actually. Harry could hear his heart, pumping in his chest. After a while of counting Louis' long eyelashes, Harry got up, took his notebook and started writing down lyrics to a song. He wrote for hours, only stopping the process when Louis tossed and turned in his sleep.

Louis ended up staying the next day too, since his aunt couldn't really give a shit where he was or what had happened to him. They watched a couple of movies and cuddled on Harry's bed, talking about their dreams. Louis had taken a nap during the day, after Harry had changed his bandages to new ones, and during that time Harry had finished the song he started writing the night before. When the clock hit 10pm they were both really tired, though they literally had done nothing that day. Harry hadn't asked Louis about what had happened, and Louis was very thankful for that; he wasn't ready to talk about it just yet.

They were now lying side by side on Harry's bed, tucked tightly under a thick blanket. Louis turned so he was now facing Harry, and closed his eyes, humming quietly.

-Will you sing something for me?

Harry smiled, because this was the perfect opportunity to play Louis his own song.

\- Yeah, of course I will. Wait there, I'll just grab my guitar so I'll be back in a second.

Harry literally ran downstairs, grabbed the guitar and stopped to look at his reflection from the mirror on the living room wall. I can do this, he thought to himself. He took a long breath and bolted back upstairs.

\- Okay, so, this is a song I actually wrote last night, so I hope you like it.

Harry was more nervous than he thought he would be. Louis hummed again as an implication for him to start.

He strummed the instrumental part of the song and with a soft, low voice, he poured his heart out through the song, making Louis fall into deep slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> This was worse than I remembered. The angst was in the beginning was just, ugh.  
> Also the narrator??? What's up with the narrator, the first person narrator sucked, but then suddenly it was 3rd person and like what even.
> 
> Sorry if you read this and would like to know how this continues; even I don't know, and I never might.


End file.
